Time to rhyme the riddle of campaign finance
The story of political romance
The issue of marrying a stance
A love that doesn’t happen by chance
Fostered by the third party cupid
That’ lobbyist for the stupid
A few quid are slid to bid for favors
And the right amount buys a vote that never wavers
The pocket politician flavor
Like the oil industry’s climate denying savior
Who preaches the anti-science doctrine
It’s a princely racket said the doctors of spin
So marry him or marry me
I’m the one that loves you baby can’t you see
I ain't got no integrity or loyalty
Keep contributing to me
And I’ll tote climate change as uncertainty
Said if you want to start a super pac
Just go ahead now
And if you would like me to have your back
Just go ahead now
And if you want to lend me a boat
Just go ahead now
And if you would like to have my vote
Just go ahead now
Through citizens united the supreme court sanctioned the marriage
Corruption riding into the sunset in a horse and bribery carriage
The track is on fair grounds so don’t disparage
It’s just politics or some other cliched adage
Money is speech and you can lobby too
Just don’t forget when the bills are due
Or write a letter, i’m sure it will get through
Your representative is there for you
Keep voicing that opinion to your face is blue
Or take a clue
To court a kangaroo
It takes revenue
And unless you got it from here to timbuktu
Expect your point of view to accrue
The backside of a screw
Promises to clean up washington with Sham-poo
Leaving you without a paddle sitting in a canoe
Drifting down the proverbial creek
Cuz it’s no longer free to speak
Coins by a squeak
Change is priced like an antique
Ya better be a sheik to shop at this boutique
So marry him or marry me
I’m the one that loves you can’t you see
I ain’t got no integrity or loyalty
Paying my re-election fee
Is all it takes to own me
Said if you like deregulation
Just go ahead now
And put down another donation
Just go ahead now
And if you want to pollute
Just go ahead now
And continue to contribute
Just go ahead now
My term limits are starting to wane
But I got real good at playing this game
Hire me and I can secure you the same
Let the revolving door rekindle our flame
Through sickness and health
We committed to increasing our wealth
Any means necessary money making we endorse
Renew our vows and I’ll be a K-street force
By the powers of investing I’m still your prize horse
You can ride me right back to the source
I’ll be your shill on capitol hill
Bend every bill to your will
Get that permit to drill
Or the FDA to approve your pill
Cuz that’s what a lobbyist with skill can instill
So hire me and chill
Let me work my old connections in congress
They’re just pawns and we’re playing chess
In case your view they don’t want to express
Well good thing we own the press
A few attack ads can turn a no into a yes
Or any other grievances we need to redress
It’s not spying it’s surveillance
Controlling the narrative is key to advance
The agenda that supplants
Bribery as campaign finance
So with this diamond encrusted rose
I would like to propose
That we juxtapose
So marry him or marry me
I the one that loves you baby can't you see
I aint got no integrity or loyalty
A deficit hawk with a spending spree
A yellow dog or party to tea
It dont matter to me
I just get paid to agree
So if you want an employee
Just go ahead now
And i’m on bended knee
Just go ahead now
Just go ahead now
Your majesty
Just go ahead now
Just go ahead now